Be Honest
Be honest. In a relationship, honesty is almost always the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. It is tough, but no matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives you the same respect. Statistically, studies have found that when couples were more honest from the start, they are more likely to work on their relationship and grow. Don't always try to make a response seem like a compliment. Instead, offer an alternative (For example, if they ask you if you like something they are trying on, let them know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great ___.) But if you do that, eventually she's going to wear the original article that you didn't like, and eventually you will both get very tired of that strategy. It's the same with other problems: telling her what you like is fine, but you have to tell her what you don't like as well. Sugar-coating is fine, but deflecting isn't. Expect this kind of honesty back, and if you both realize that expressing such opinions just comes out of caring and honesty, you'll both have a better relationship.Being open will allow you to create a more open relationship toward each other as well as creating a very good understanding in what your mate wants, feels, and needs. It will help to be open because you show that you can be trusted. After all, love is a combination of trust and commitment. Openness, in combination with honesty, should blend in perfect harmony and make your relationship last a long time.
Be Supportive
- Be supportive. Being supportive plays a crucial part in keeping a relationship strong. Make her needs a priority. Make sure you are with her and provide her with what she needs all the time. Be 100 percent supportive. By being supportive, you will usher in a new and improved sense of security.
- Don't brush her off. People often find it exasperating when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a relationship. Women are no exception. Remember, she is your girlfriend because she likes being around you. Some girls have been taught that the only way to get attention when their boyfriend is ignoring them is to act more emotional and louder until you finally surrender and pay attention to her, even if in annoyance. If people feel they're being given the cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get worried. Especially when it happens without you giving an explanation for why this disturbance has occurred. People aren't mind readers. Your mate is not likely to be able to guess that you're cranky because they wouldn't let you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it important. If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say "I'm pretty angry and I don't want to fight like that. Let's talk later." (Don't forget to follow through and actually give her your time later.)
- Compliment them sincerely. Compliments are great, but make sure you mean it. Don't just say, "You look nice." Say "That really makes your eyes flash," "Your hair cut really suits the shape of your face," or "That makes me want to kiss your neck" ...and then kiss their neck! The more specific you are, the more unique and appreciative the compliment.
- Be sympathetic and empathetic. If it means something to her, it means something to you. Some examples: If she suffers the death of a pet, remember that to her it is a big deal. Women are programed to fall in love with their offspring, and most women refer to their pets as their babies and treat them as such. If she cries, do not tell her to stop. Instead, take the time and hold her, comfort her. She will probably fall asleep after she cries herself out. Do not leave (unless you're going no further than the kitchen to fix a snack for her when she wakes up, something simple that doesn't need to be refrigerated, or the bathroom). When she wakes, give her a hug and suggest doing something simple together such as watching TV and cuddling. If she talks about her pet, listen, tell her the pet had a good life because of her, and that it probably appreciated it. If you know the pet's name, use it instead of saying "your cat." She'll be okay in a few days, although she might tear up a little when the pet is mentioned. If she cries for a reason you can't be sure of, first determine if the tears are happy, sad, or frustrated. If happy, then be happy with her. If sad, find out what made her sad, and comfort her. Do not tell her to stop crying, doing so makes her feel like she's being a burden to you or like you don't care. She'll stop crying eventually, just pet her hair (which most women find comforting) and hold her gently but securely as she may go limp once you touch her and really let loose. If she has trouble breathing, get her water. If the tears are of frustration, calm her down, ask specific questions about what happened, and show sympathy. Do not try to fix the problem for her, at least not at first. Once she's calmed down, then you may be able to offer to help fix it.
- Show affection. Show her that you love her, maybe a little public display of affection (PDA), but don't over do it, you don't want to make her uncomfortable. Remember to read her signs, if she's not in the mood, don't kiss her!
- Make physical contact. Girls are usually more sensitive than guys, so even a light touch is appreciated. If your girl is a romantic, upon seeing her for the first time in a couple of days, say, "I missed you..." and weave your arms around her hips then give her a loving hug. Don't make it last too long! A hug in public can last anywhere from 5 seconds, to a minute or two. If you have been together with your girlfriend for longer, and have kissed before, feel free to also give a light kiss on her lips/cheek/forehead/neck just to show that you really appreciate her presence. Or just kiss her hand (not in the bowing in front of her way though, just clasp and bring it up to your lips). Make sure to do it in private or a discrete place if you're not sure how your girlfriend feels about public displays of affection.
Be Spontaneous
- Mix things up. Go to a new restaurant, try a new nightclub or go to a new part of town. Even if you both end up hating it, it's an experience you can share and that's what it's all about isn't it? Creating memories together. Surprise them by doing something offbeat - think less maudlin and more personal. This includes anything from racing them to your walking destination, dancing without music, or even bringing them a tub of LEGO and encouraging their immediate use. You two should grow to be comfortable with each other, and do things together without self-consciousness. Ideally, they should never feel stupid around you for wanting or doing a particular thing. Step out of your comfort zone. Sometimes, in order to get things going, you need to be the one to step out of the comfort zone.
- Give Presents. Put thought into a birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas or anniversary gift (by the way, it's the 21st century. Your phone has a calender and alarm on it so there's no excuse to forget). Give yourself time to think of what she would like. That way you can find it at a reasonable price and it will still say a lot. A necklace for instance can be tacky if it's not thought out, but silver (which isn't really expensive) and a pendant that means something to her (her name, a snowflake if she loves to ski/skate, a musical note if she's musical, etc) can make it really sweet. And always add a little chocolate. Gifts can also be a nice surprise. Listen to them when you are out window shopping, and if there is something they like, and it's within your price range, remember it and surprise them with it when they least expect it, for no reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work or school, and tell them you were thinking of them when you saw it. It doesn't have to be big or expensive, a book you know they will like, or a CD of their favourite band are nice gestures. As Sean Connery says, "The way to a woman's heart is through an unexpected gift at an unexpected time."
- When she says no Presents, or don't have to get me anything- she doesn't mean it fully. A flower, chocolate or necklace will always be appreciated. But don't lavish her in expensive gifts or she might feel obliged to do the same.
Communicate.When you talk, you want to get a 50-50 balance in the flow of conversation. Neither gender enjoys an overly quiet partner. If you're too quiet, she'll think your uninterested or distant. If you're too talkative, she'll think you're self-obsessed or impolite. Unless of course something very exciting or important has happened for one of you, in which case a bit of gabbiness is expected. If you don't feel much like talking at some point, keep a flow of small questions going. For example, ask them what type of movies they enjoy, or about one of her favourites. If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way, what you thought of it, and make a guess at why they might have liked it. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting for your turn, it's listening. Make sure you're actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Don't listen too intensely, staring and not once breaking eye contact is a bit scary, but certainly seem interested.
Take a Step Back
Let your partner be. Just because she is your significant other, it doesn't mean she is yours, implying some kind of ownership. You can't keep this person all to yourself. You might get jealous if they talk to someone else, but if you trust them and are good to them, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. If their actions do make you feel uncomfortable, sit down and talk, again using nonviolent communication. Same goes for how they dress and look. They may not always feel like spending an hour plucking, tweezing, clipping this, applying that. Make sure they know they can relax and be themselves with you. Don't make them feel like they always have to look like a celestial being. If they're letting themselves go, so to speak, bring it up in a gentle and helpful way, like "What ever happened to your red lipstick? You have gorgeous lips, and I love it when you highlight them once in a while. It looks amazing."
Remember she talks to her friends. If you don't know what she wants for a present, ask them, they probably know most of her dream dates, favorite spots, favorite brands, and what she absolutely hates. However, do not ask her friends what is wrong with her if you two have had a fight, they will almost always choose her side and word will get back to her. Be nice to her friends, if they don't like you, they may give her advice against being with you (especially if you are a complete jerk to them or refuse to let her spend time with them).
